It's based off of the verse in Ephesians 5 that tells wifes to be submitted to their husbands, and husbands to love their wifes. This is telling the wife to respect her husband, and him to love her. This is important. Why don't they tell the wife to love him? Or him to respect her? Very simply, because it doens't need to be said.
A lady is wired to love, and it's what we do and need. If you ask almost any married woman if she loves her husband, she will tell you 'yes'. But ask her if she respects him, and often times, esp if they've been having issues, she will tell you 'no.' We are wired to love, and respecting we sometimes feel is something that he has to earn. But he shouldn't, we should respect him because it's commanded and it's because it's what he needs. In the same way that we want our husband to love us. He wants respect. Because he knows that you love him, it's shown, and just known. But do we always show him that we respect him?
Men are wired to respect, they respect each other, and their spouse. Bu what they don't always show is that they love thier spouse. They don't always show they love them, because they aren't wired for it.
The auther has come up with a thing called "the crazy cycle." basically it's a crazy circle that couples get themselves into that will go on forever unless one of them breaks it. (see below)
As you can see, she may feel unloved, so she responds to him in a way he feels is disprespectful, and then he'll respond without love and she'll.... and ON and ON. And this is often why people get devoriced cause they can't break this cycle.Then the section i'm reading currently is about who should break it, and ways to do it. Sometimes the simplest things can change your marrige.
Even tho I'm not married, engaged or anywhere all that close, it's good to learn this now, instead of later when I might need it because I'm in this cycle. And even now I see that it applys, even just to friends. Like after reading the first couple chapters, I realize that I sometimes treat my 'guy friend's in a why they might take as disrespectful and I shouldn't do that. Just because if I can't respect guys i just talk to, and hang out with sometimes how will i do with respecting a man I'll someday be with everyday?
Like the other night at a party, I was treating my one friend like he couldn't take care of himself. And I didn't really think about it, till after I'd left the party. or I would've apoligized to him because he's not someone that needs to be babied by his friend. He's an indepentant person, and I felt bad. I saw him a couple days later and he pulled me aside and told me: "Anna, we decided that we'd tell each other if we do something that bugs the other person right?" (I agreed, cause we did, I feel that friends should be open about things that bug them) "I don't like it when you treat me like a kid, I have been taking care of myself since I was little, and I can still do it." (paraphrase)
Needless to say I felt bad, because I had seen that I had done it, but I'm glad he felt he could tell me about it. He didn't label it as feeling disrespected, but I know that's how it made him feel.
Well I will end this lenghty post here. And I'll probably make more comments on this as I continue reading through the book. If you are married, I would recommend this book, even if you're marrige is perfect, it's still good to know. And if you're not married, I recommend this. Learn it now, so you'll spend less time in crazy cycles like this when you're married someday.