Are you a man?

  Today I read a really depressing blog. It was dedicated to men being more masculine. Which, don't get me wrong, I am all for. More and more men today are becoming effeminate and we need more men to be men. 
  But the writers of this blog do not know what it means to be a man. The first post I read was about how woman with short hair are damaged. NO EXCEPTIONS. If you have short hair and you are a woman, you are damaged... Um. No. He opens the article with "No woman in all of human history has ever looked better with short hair than she would with a head full of healthy locks." This is not a fact as he goes on to claim, that is an opinion. (I hope his mother never gets the urge to cut her hair!)
  Granted, longer hair has always been associated with woman, but I don't see him rebuking men who have long hair. He mentions one girl, who he accosted, about her short hair and she ended up telling him that she had cut her hair off because of a break up and less men hit on her with shorter hair. So, yes, some woman cut their hair off for personal reasons; but some cut their hair because it's hot and they're too busy to maintain long hair. Having long healthy hair can take a lot of maintenance, depending on your hair type, and some woman do not have the time for it. There are single mothers who work multiple jobs and when they are home they want to spend time with their children and not spend an hour doing their hair. 
There are so many reasons for woman having shorter hair:
   - making a statement
   - cancer survivor
   - too busy to maintain long hair
   - was in an accident 
   - lives in a hot climate and shorter hair is practical
   - and many many more. To list all the reasons why a woman would have shorter hair would be impossible. But to look at a woman with shorter hair and judge her and call her damaged is wrong. Women with long hair have the exact same issues that women with short hair deal with. 
  To continue with this judgmental and demeaning trend there was another post on this blog about how woman who have piercings and tattoos are broken. The author's five reasons were:
   1. They are sluts
   2. They have no foresight
   3. They are selfish
   4. They are boring
   5. They are mentally ill
Again, these men are bigoted. To take all the women in the world with multiple piercings and at least one tattoo and put them into this box is wrong. Let us break this down by point:
   1.  They are sluts: Well from reading these posts, the only thing that I have learned is that the authors are the male equivalents of a slut. Why isn't there a term for men who casually sleep around? (All of the examples for these articles are women that the authors have slept with.) It seems to me that he is the slut; and to judge all the women in the world but the few that he has deemed worthy of manhood is not an accurate way to measure woman. He has all these judgements biased by the women he has slept with, well here is a novel idea STOP SLEEPING AROUND. Maybe if he worked more on meeting the right woman for him, he would stop generalizing all women by the ones he has slept with. Since when did being masculine mean seeing women only as live sex toys and should they have tattoos and maybe not be as good as he hoped, that gives the man leave to judge her? Where is the respect for her? Real men have respect for women, regardless of their physical appearance. 
   2. They have no foresight. Well, the only foresight the women this man tears apart lack is the fact they wasted their time on him. 
   3. They are selfish. Holds no water. Again, I don't see him saying that men who get tattoos are selfish. Just another double standard.
   4. They are boring. So that young woman who got a tattoo to remember her father who passed away is boring? Maybe he should ask her why she got her tattoo(s) and what they mean to her. Bet that would be an interesting story. True, some people get tattoos on a whim, or because they were drunk, but many people get them for a reason; to honor loved ones, or to commemorate a life event. 
   5. They are mentally ill. Again, if men can have piercings or tattoos and not be mentally ill, don't see how he gets off saying women are mentally ill for having a tattoo. 

  Being a man does not mean you have the right to tear women down. I am not a feminist, but I will also not be boxed up by bigoted men who only see my appearance. I know that men have to deal with feminist extremists who don't wanna stop at equality and must have exclusivity; but, that doesn't justify these mens opinions. Men need to respect women, even if they have short hair, piercings and tattoos. Judging them and saying that they are mentally ill does not define your manliness it just proves that you do not understand what it means to be man. These articles, that are supposed to encourage men to have masculinity, are nothing more than rants against the women these men have slept with. You wan to be a man? Stop sleeping around, get to know the women in your life, stop judging them by your bigoted ideals, and RESPECT them. You feel they don't respect you? Guess what? They do not respect you because you do not deserve it. 
   As a side note, some of the most masculine men out there are homosexual men. Why? Because they do not see women as sex objects, but as people. 
   So men? Learn to respect the women in your life. After all you wouldn't be here without your mothers. 

Blind spot

Every one knows what a blind spot is, usually it is used in terms of driving and sight, but another definition for your blind spot is: a tendency to ignore something especially because it is difficult or unpleasant. 
This is an apt definition for what I have meditating on. My blind spot is me, and how I see myself. I have a tendency to ignore who I am and how I have gotten here because to me it is difficult and unpleasant to measure myself up to my personal standards. That saying "you are your own worst enemy" is very true. 
I hate me. Yes, hate is a very strong word. But honestly, if I met me I would not like me. To my own eyes I am failure. I've made mistakes that I can't forgive myself for; or if I have, I will never forget. Forgetting the past is truly impossible. I might accept it, but that doesn't mean I won't hold it against myself for the foreseeable future. 
Don't mistake this for self pity. I don't pity me, I made my choices, where I am today is because of my choices. I don't blame anyone else, because it is my response to circumstances that determines where I end up.

Why share this? Cause I know I am not alone in this. Surely, there are countless others out there who deal with this. Accepting one's own self is common struggle, and not sure how many people ever truly and completely accept themselves. And this has nothing to do with what other people think about me, they are entitled to their opinion. It doesn't matter if everyone I meet likes me, if I don't like me they are not going to change my opinion. 

It's hard to be such a strict judge of personal character. I have so much tolerance for others and their choices but for some reason I have a zero tolerance level when it comes to me. This leads to the indifference I have already talked about. Cause if I see that I can't improve then I stop caring about what I do. Funny how that works. The endless cycle of self judgement. 

Anyway, just thought I would put words to what many people just try ignore or blame on others. Guess we just all have to focus on dealing with ourselves and then maybe we will care again. 

Philosophy of the day

I don't know about you, but to this day I love comic strips. Granted, today they politically correct and political. When I was little though, they were enjoyable and relatable. My favorite strip is Peanuts (because, you all know Snoopy was the greatest dog ever.). Snoopy aside, the most relatable character for me has always been Sally. She is this smart little girl who doesn't fit in and struggles with the guys. (Not that I struggle mind you, just am unlucky). Sally had a philosophy for everything though, even dogs and banjos (still waiting for mine by the way).

Who can't relate to her? So, today I will share a thought, dare I say a philosophy, that I had today. 

I purpose that there are two types of people in the world, those who care about themselves and those who do not.

Think about it. Really. See, me, I am second type of person. I worry about others, and look out for them, and don't seek to make life about me. And the other type? They care about themselves and while they may 'care' about their friends, who are usually the second type, that's more out of how it would benefit them. 

Take those popular people you know, (also those portrayed stereotypically in movies) why are they popular? Because they do not care about you. They live for themselves and concern themselves with how life can be made to please them, and the over flow to this is that they attract people who care about others and an uncaring person likes to be taken care of so they associate with the caring person. But the people they are seen with are usually the friends of the same type, namely uncaring with uncaring cause the popular person wants to be seen with someone who is 'cool' because they are too cool to care. 

Is this a perfect theory? No, not yet, but I am still working it out. Granted, there are always exceptions to the rules. There are popular people who do care about someone other than themself. But when push comes to shove does that person ever go out of their way to help their friends? Not usually. 

I get it, life is busy, you don't have time to worry about everyone in your life. But maybe you should. Where will you be in a few years? Successful, career, maybe even a spouse. Then you look around and realize you have no real friends, and things will happen and you will have no one to be there and support you. Maybe then you might think to look up the people you know care about you but you couldn't be bothered to make the effort with until you needed them. 

Take a look around. See those people who have always been there for you. The friends who don't dress up as nice as you do, but maybe that's because they were busy helping someone and didn't have time to match their outfit. The friend who skipped dinner because you forgot something and they picked it up for you. Remember that when they are pushed aside and are all alone they are fine, they can take care of themselves. But, maybe they are lonely and sad and wish they had someone who wanted them around just to be with them and not because they needed their help. 

Break my theory please. Prove me wrong. Maybe if we all stopped thinking about our own petty lives and started investing in others we could make a difference. 

Break your mirror and look out the window. Step outside of yourself and look at that friend who has always been there when you needed them and this time- you be there for them.

Stop taking people for granted. Nothing in life is guaranteed so don't waste it on yourself.

ramble with me

Wanna know what is worse than fear or depression?

Indifference. 

Why do we bother to care about anything? After all what is point. In a few years, how much will the decisions I make today really affect me? Sure, some decisions have long lasting effects but in the long run many do not.

When you are on your bed, staring up at the ceiling, not able to sleep and your mind is going nonstop. Do  you ever question why you even bother caring about all the things running rampant through your mind?

Does it matter that..
 ... your friends do not miss you?
 ... that the people you love don't know, or, if they do, do not care?
 ... if something bad happens to you or those you love? That's life.
 ... life hands you lemons and forgets the sugar to sweeten the lemonade?
 ... you have invested so much into others only to be reminded every time that it was one sided?

WHY.
Why do we have to care?
Thoughts like this make me jealous of androids from those sci-fy shows. They get all the benefits of being human without having to worry about the one thing that separates us from man made contraptions. A soul. The ability to think and to care. The ability to feel and to hurt.

Yes, I know.
  "I matter"
     "I have a purpose"
        "I do make a difference"

But do I really?

Why write this? No one reads this blog anyway. Do I do it for me? So I can pretend for one minute that I matter? Maybe someone will stumble onto this blog and find something that helps them in some way. Probably not. So instead I ramble. Hoping that maybe I will care.

Who am I kidding? I care, I will always care. I will cry, I will feel, and I will hide that from everyone. Being who they want or need me to be. I will be that friend who is there only when you need my help; who will love you even if you don't know or care; who would care if something bad happened to you; who will be the sugar to sweeten the lemonade of your life; and who will keep investing for no return.

Indifferent though I may be, and even if I don't matter, I am here. I may as well try to forget me and care about you. Because you do matter.

Who knows?
Maybe one day, I will matter. Maybe that's why I keep going, cause one day I could matter. Maybe.