Blind spot

Every one knows what a blind spot is, usually it is used in terms of driving and sight, but another definition for your blind spot is: a tendency to ignore something especially because it is difficult or unpleasant. 
This is an apt definition for what I have meditating on. My blind spot is me, and how I see myself. I have a tendency to ignore who I am and how I have gotten here because to me it is difficult and unpleasant to measure myself up to my personal standards. That saying "you are your own worst enemy" is very true. 
I hate me. Yes, hate is a very strong word. But honestly, if I met me I would not like me. To my own eyes I am failure. I've made mistakes that I can't forgive myself for; or if I have, I will never forget. Forgetting the past is truly impossible. I might accept it, but that doesn't mean I won't hold it against myself for the foreseeable future. 
Don't mistake this for self pity. I don't pity me, I made my choices, where I am today is because of my choices. I don't blame anyone else, because it is my response to circumstances that determines where I end up.

Why share this? Cause I know I am not alone in this. Surely, there are countless others out there who deal with this. Accepting one's own self is common struggle, and not sure how many people ever truly and completely accept themselves. And this has nothing to do with what other people think about me, they are entitled to their opinion. It doesn't matter if everyone I meet likes me, if I don't like me they are not going to change my opinion. 

It's hard to be such a strict judge of personal character. I have so much tolerance for others and their choices but for some reason I have a zero tolerance level when it comes to me. This leads to the indifference I have already talked about. Cause if I see that I can't improve then I stop caring about what I do. Funny how that works. The endless cycle of self judgement. 

Anyway, just thought I would put words to what many people just try ignore or blame on others. Guess we just all have to focus on dealing with ourselves and then maybe we will care again.