Trust

What is trust? And can you ever truly trust anyone here on earth?

Guam is a great place to grow up it may seem to some, it's tropical, beautiful and warm place to live. And the people are very friendly. Sounds like a haven for a little kid right?!

My first house was fun, we lived there for two years, and we had the greatest back yard every, trees galore. And I had some good friends, we lived in more of a neighborhood where you played with your neighbors. And my church wasn't bad, I had the best sunday school teacher ever. Mrs. Mac :)
But I started realizing something, it started with my first best friend who is three days older then me, i'd have friends, they'd be there for a few years and then they'd leave...... Duh, military, but I think I've said more good byes at airports then I've said hello's. And even non-military ppl never stayed long. I guess they had reasons to go back to the states.

So after a while I tried to stop caring. Sure be their friend but don't get attached cause they'll leave soon anyway, so that set me up for attachment and trust issues. I didn't get super close to my siblings either because of various reasons not to be discussed, but it just didn't work.

I pretended to be a happy kid, and I pulled it of cause I'm not a bad actor. The result? People figured I was okay usually and didn't bother ever asking me how I was, so I also learned not to ever tell people my problems cause they didn't care. And I had a lot of them :( Also people had a way of hurting me, some not purposely, some not caring, and some just cause it was me. So I also added to my other insecurities had self esteem issues. I wasn't worth anyones time to care about.

The first person I started to trust was my best friend 'Joy'. Because she moved here and stayed here for what seemed like would be forever. So I got close to her, and I'll never ever regret it, she's like my sister. But a couple years ago she left. It was a surprise to everyone in the church. Her dad announced they were open to moving if the Lord led, but I knew that she would be. And I was right it only took a few more months. I guess it was good I broke down when I first heard the news cause then I was able to be strong for her and not be there. But it hurt and still does cause I miss her.

Next on my list is my other best friend 'Beth' she was only here three years, but she quickly became my best friend. But like everyone else she had to move. At least thanks to facebook I'm still in touch with them, and I'm very thankful. I was even able to visit Joy. So it's not that I don't trust them, but they still aren't here.

So to me the thought always comes 'Why trust?'. When a: they don't care. b: they do but they still end up leaving or c: they hurt me.
But somehow I always end up trusting someone no matter how hard I try NOT to and I end up getting hurt... lame life right? I know.

I guess the other thing I keep doing is I'll start to trust a friend, and I'll stop trusting God. Which is the DUMBEST thing you can ever do. Cause you take that trust from God and place it on a person, and God is going to take away that person so you'll focus on Him again. And you think after all the friendships that have been ruined I'd have learned this, but no. Cause I'm a retard. Maybe this time I'll learn.

This time maybe I'll learn because I'm risking losing the best friend I've ever had. One thing I've left out, yes I've had several friends, but usually I'm the better friend. I help them with their problems and keep my own to myself. But this friend, made sure I was okay before dumping on me. Checked up on me and was there for me. For the last 13 months. And almost everyday for the last 4. And now, it's not so much me as the friend, but I feel that this is the consequence of taking my focus off of God and getting closer to the friend and starting to neglect God. :(
(hey if you know who you are, and you read this, would you remember this, and maybe give me a chance to get back to God and then talk to me again? Cause in this case it's my fault)

Trust the point of this... well I guess all I can say is FIRST trust God and have your closest relationship with Him. Then get close to friends, but remember that you have to keep God first in your life. He deserves and demands it, He IS a jealous God. And don't ever put your dependance on a person, because even if they don't want to they will let you down in some way.

I think I'm kind of rambling but I needed to get this out... plus not many ppl read this blog anyway, so np :D

Monkeys are back!

Well when I visited my blog to my surprise my monkeys had disappeared! :() Sadness. Although I may change them, idk, there are some new cute blog backgrounds. Comment if you think I should change the look of my blog :)

Anyway, today wasn't a good day. I slept late, overheard my parents talking about me, had music theory and had to survive my lesson while in pain :( Also, going through some friendship/relationship drama. And got some texts from a friend and it just adds to it all. Anyone know a way to shut down your brain? So that you can't think? If so, let me know please I could use it!

Hmmm..... trying to think of something constructive to write about?
Christmas? Well I'm not like super into Christmas this year. So yeah, I'm not really sure why, just presents and all that jazz doesn't excite me atm, mostly I'm just thankful that it's the day we celebrate our Lord's birth.

Ooh, so after 11 years, the base decided to discontinue the federal oversea's hired employee's access to the navel base... really? And then they turn around and make it available to the entire island? Idk doesn't make sense, we didn't abuse our privileges... honestly ppl make no sense sometime :( And Ratatouille? tastes nasty.... but it's better as a casserole then a stew/soup... trust me!

That's all!

UGh

Man, it's been forever! I'm a horrible blogger! I wish there was an ipod app for blogspot! :D I'd do it more then.
Life nowadays? Mostly school. I have a lot to get done and not enough time to do it, but extra stuffs on the side.
Drama- my play was great!! So much fun
Life drama- don't ask!! omw!

that's all for now, will be back soon hopefully!

RING PHOTOS

So my favorite is the black and white one. Comment and let me know which one you like!

My Summer

Wow, I haven't posted in a while :D I keep forgetting... bad me (nah, I'm not gonna hit myself over the head about it tho)
So, I've been workin Cool School which for the most part is ok. Pretty busy this year. I was dumb though the first friday and got a SUPER bad sunburn. I couldn't walk for 2 days! (If you're white and on guam. NEVER go from 9:30-3:30 without sunscreen!)
But yeah, I've been helping a class the last week, and I really like it.

Figured I should post some pictures. I went on a hike on Mt. LamLam. (Which if measured from base to top, would be the tallest mountain in the world) And got some great pictures. :D My camera was being nice for once :) haha.
So enjoy.


P.S I think Hannah and Paige


Sunset

Different angle Sunset :D
Through the burned Sword Grass
I really like this picture, it looks like a stateside field. I want to run across it :)
This one I took on the way up.
NOTES: These pictures are in reverse order. Oh well. And I don't know why it underlined, and I can't fix it... ANNOYING. Sigh...

Drama

Hey All,
Sorry that I've been such a bad blogger. I'm just really busy so yeah..
But anyway, Drama has been keeping me busy. I have role in the play 'The Hound of the Baskervilles'. Drama is lot's of fun, and even though I have bad stage fright, I'm still really excited about it.
It's been going well... (this post is actually kinda old.. but to get back up to speed.)

I have 3 concerts coming up.

I am working on my bucket list... so i can post it here. Those things take so long to write. I mean, sure I probably wanna do more then a 100 things, but then again, a lot are kinda silly, so i don't wanna put them.

I'm reading a really good series of books by Jan Karon called 'The Mitford Series'. I love these books cause the story follows this priest. (And yes, he isn't christian, but it's ok) I think I've laughed more while reading these books then I've laughed at any book. The story is just so real and simple that you just feel part of it. (My sister is reading them too, and you should hear us talking about them. We sound like we're talking about real people.)

Another book I've recently read was 'Percy Jackson: The lighting thief'. It's about a kid who's half god. It has to do with the greek mythology. I enjoyed learning about it, (good for trivia :) and it's very well written!

Well that's all for now, i'll try and post again soon!

It must be Christmas time!

I love Christmas time at my house. Because during the Christmas season, I get my own 'secret spot'. It's not really 'secret' but it is MY spot. Because when we put up our christmas tree, we set it up in the corner. So, on the far side there is a small corner in-between the branches and it's mine! Because I'm really the only one who can crawl back there without knocking down the tree.
So this year, if my family can't find me, all they need to do is look behind the tree! (Thank goodness we have our artificial tree up! Last year we had a real tree and I I couldn't sit back there!)

P.S. Maybe I post pictures later! :)