Hey everyone!
I'm trying to start blogging more regularly. But I need ideas. So if you have anything you'd like me to talk about comment and let me know.
I can do book reviews, I've read a lot of books. Lots of classics, or I can recommend good books to read on almost any given subject. And I can discuss more songs, just give me the name.
Or I can talk about photography. Or life. Or music
If you'd like advice about anything, feel free to ask, and if i have any ideas I'd be glad to help.
Just comment and let me know.
Thanks all!
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Friday! (oh... it's wednesday... oh well :)
So, I know I don't usually do this, but I thought I'd talk about the new 'hit' song 'Friday' by Rebecca Black. I'm gonna post the lyrics, and talk about them :) I don't hate the song, or Rebecca Black, i'm kinda neutral. I think the song is repetitive and it's stupid in some respects.
Orignal Lyrics
Seven a.m., waking up in the morning
Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs
Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal
Seein' everything, the time is goin'
Tickin' on and on, everybody's rushin'
Gotta get down to the bus stop
Gotta catch my bus, I see my friends (My friends)
Kickin' in the front seat
Sittin' in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?
(Ok, comment time. This first part is mostly okay. She at least picks a subject that she knows about. And doesn't start off singing about love. Like a certain other teen singer *Cough*. But the obvious question is, if she's headed to catch her bus, why did she go with her friends? I'm pretty sure her parents are thinking she's on the bus...... maybe)
It's Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin' down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend
Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)
Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin' forward to the weekend
(Okay.... really repetitive!! What about:
It's Friday, time to get down,
because everyone is looking forward to the weekend.
Partyin', partyin' Yeah!
Fun fun fun fun!
Lookin' forward the weekend.
Or something like that :)
7:45, we're drivin' on the highway
Cruisin' so fast, I want time to fly
Fun, fun, think about fun
You know what it is
I got this, you got this
My friend is by my right, ay
I got this, you got this
Now you know it
(Okay.. time? am or pm? And why are they crusin'? Cause they don't look old enough to be driving, let alone the highway! Glad to know your friend is on the right, who's that on the left? Maybe say: My friends are by my side)
Kickin' in the front seat
Sittin' in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?
It's Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin' down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend
Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)
Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin' forward to the weekend
(Becca, just take this out... repetitive and we know already and you say it later anyway.)
Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday
Today i-is Friday, Friday (Partyin')
We-we-we so excited
We so excited
We gonna have a ball today
Tomorrow is Saturday
And Sunday comes after ... wards
I don't want this weekend to end
(You wanna get mocked by teens today? State the obvious... drives them nuts and makes them 'haters'.. They feel like you don't think they know it. And it makes you seem stupid to them)
So chillin' in the front seat (In the front seat)
In the back seat (In the back seat)
I'm drivin', cruisin' (Yeah, yeah)
Fast lanes, switchin' lanes
Wit' a car up on my side (Woo!)
(C'mon) Passin' by is a school bus in front of me
Makes tick tock, tick tock, wanna scream
Check my time, it's Friday, it's a weekend
We gonna have fun, c'mon, c'mon, y'all
(No rap... unless a teen. Just kinda weird with the older guy...)
It's Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin' down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend
Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)
Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin' forward to the weekend
It's Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin' down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend
Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)
Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin' forward to the weekend
(Seriously? TWICE?? you know why people hate your song becca? You use FRIDAY way to much!! We know what day it is :D and we're glad it's friday :) don't make them sick of it!)
Okay, like I said. Just some observations. I know this is kinda a silly post. I don't hate her, or like her. I think if she wrote some songs that aren't as repetitive. I'm glad that she didn't start off with another dippy love song like everyone else does. But clean up your lyrics, make them flow better, make sense. And not give people headaches cause it's uper repetitive!
Orignal Lyrics
Seven a.m., waking up in the morning
Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs
Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal
Seein' everything, the time is goin'
Tickin' on and on, everybody's rushin'
Gotta get down to the bus stop
Gotta catch my bus, I see my friends (My friends)
Kickin' in the front seat
Sittin' in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?
(Ok, comment time. This first part is mostly okay. She at least picks a subject that she knows about. And doesn't start off singing about love. Like a certain other teen singer *Cough*. But the obvious question is, if she's headed to catch her bus, why did she go with her friends? I'm pretty sure her parents are thinking she's on the bus...... maybe)
It's Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin' down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend
Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)
Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin' forward to the weekend
(Okay.... really repetitive!! What about:
It's Friday, time to get down,
because everyone is looking forward to the weekend.
Partyin', partyin' Yeah!
Fun fun fun fun!
Lookin' forward the weekend.
Or something like that :)
7:45, we're drivin' on the highway
Cruisin' so fast, I want time to fly
Fun, fun, think about fun
You know what it is
I got this, you got this
My friend is by my right, ay
I got this, you got this
Now you know it
(Okay.. time? am or pm? And why are they crusin'? Cause they don't look old enough to be driving, let alone the highway! Glad to know your friend is on the right, who's that on the left? Maybe say: My friends are by my side)
Kickin' in the front seat
Sittin' in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?
It's Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin' down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend
Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)
Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin' forward to the weekend
(Becca, just take this out... repetitive and we know already and you say it later anyway.)
Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday
Today i-is Friday, Friday (Partyin')
We-we-we so excited
We so excited
We gonna have a ball today
Tomorrow is Saturday
And Sunday comes after ... wards
I don't want this weekend to end
(You wanna get mocked by teens today? State the obvious... drives them nuts and makes them 'haters'.. They feel like you don't think they know it. And it makes you seem stupid to them)
So chillin' in the front seat (In the front seat)
In the back seat (In the back seat)
I'm drivin', cruisin' (Yeah, yeah)
Fast lanes, switchin' lanes
Wit' a car up on my side (Woo!)
(C'mon) Passin' by is a school bus in front of me
Makes tick tock, tick tock, wanna scream
Check my time, it's Friday, it's a weekend
We gonna have fun, c'mon, c'mon, y'all
(No rap... unless a teen. Just kinda weird with the older guy...)
It's Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin' down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend
Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)
Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin' forward to the weekend
It's Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin' down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend
Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)
Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin' forward to the weekend
(Seriously? TWICE?? you know why people hate your song becca? You use FRIDAY way to much!! We know what day it is :D and we're glad it's friday :) don't make them sick of it!)
Okay, like I said. Just some observations. I know this is kinda a silly post. I don't hate her, or like her. I think if she wrote some songs that aren't as repetitive. I'm glad that she didn't start off with another dippy love song like everyone else does. But clean up your lyrics, make them flow better, make sense. And not give people headaches cause it's uper repetitive!
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Love & Respect
My mom just gave me a book to read called "Love & Respect", and it's more geared to married couples. But also very good for anyone to read. At first wasn't too thrilled about having to read it, but decided to just start reading it, and i'm enjoying it.
It's based off of the verse in Ephesians 5 that tells wifes to be submitted to their husbands, and husbands to love their wifes. This is telling the wife to respect her husband, and him to love her. This is important. Why don't they tell the wife to love him? Or him to respect her? Very simply, because it doens't need to be said.
A lady is wired to love, and it's what we do and need. If you ask almost any married woman if she loves her husband, she will tell you 'yes'. But ask her if she respects him, and often times, esp if they've been having issues, she will tell you 'no.' We are wired to love, and respecting we sometimes feel is something that he has to earn. But he shouldn't, we should respect him because it's commanded and it's because it's what he needs. In the same way that we want our husband to love us. He wants respect. Because he knows that you love him, it's shown, and just known. But do we always show him that we respect him?
Men are wired to respect, they respect each other, and their spouse. Bu what they don't always show is that they love thier spouse. They don't always show they love them, because they aren't wired for it.
The auther has come up with a thing called "the crazy cycle." basically it's a crazy circle that couples get themselves into that will go on forever unless one of them breaks it. (see below)
As you can see, she may feel unloved, so she responds to him in a way he feels is disprespectful, and then he'll respond without love and she'll.... and ON and ON. And this is often why people get devoriced cause they can't break this cycle.
Then the section i'm reading currently is about who should break it, and ways to do it. Sometimes the simplest things can change your marrige.
Even tho I'm not married, engaged or anywhere all that close, it's good to learn this now, instead of later when I might need it because I'm in this cycle. And even now I see that it applys, even just to friends. Like after reading the first couple chapters, I realize that I sometimes treat my 'guy friend's in a why they might take as disrespectful and I shouldn't do that. Just because if I can't respect guys i just talk to, and hang out with sometimes how will i do with respecting a man I'll someday be with everyday?
Like the other night at a party, I was treating my one friend like he couldn't take care of himself. And I didn't really think about it, till after I'd left the party. or I would've apoligized to him because he's not someone that needs to be babied by his friend. He's an indepentant person, and I felt bad. I saw him a couple days later and he pulled me aside and told me: "Anna, we decided that we'd tell each other if we do something that bugs the other person right?" (I agreed, cause we did, I feel that friends should be open about things that bug them) "I don't like it when you treat me like a kid, I have been taking care of myself since I was little, and I can still do it." (paraphrase)
Needless to say I felt bad, because I had seen that I had done it, but I'm glad he felt he could tell me about it. He didn't label it as feeling disrespected, but I know that's how it made him feel.
Well I will end this lenghty post here. And I'll probably make more comments on this as I continue reading through the book. If you are married, I would recommend this book, even if you're marrige is perfect, it's still good to know. And if you're not married, I recommend this. Learn it now, so you'll spend less time in crazy cycles like this when you're married someday.
It's based off of the verse in Ephesians 5 that tells wifes to be submitted to their husbands, and husbands to love their wifes. This is telling the wife to respect her husband, and him to love her. This is important. Why don't they tell the wife to love him? Or him to respect her? Very simply, because it doens't need to be said.
A lady is wired to love, and it's what we do and need. If you ask almost any married woman if she loves her husband, she will tell you 'yes'. But ask her if she respects him, and often times, esp if they've been having issues, she will tell you 'no.' We are wired to love, and respecting we sometimes feel is something that he has to earn. But he shouldn't, we should respect him because it's commanded and it's because it's what he needs. In the same way that we want our husband to love us. He wants respect. Because he knows that you love him, it's shown, and just known. But do we always show him that we respect him?
Men are wired to respect, they respect each other, and their spouse. Bu what they don't always show is that they love thier spouse. They don't always show they love them, because they aren't wired for it.
The auther has come up with a thing called "the crazy cycle." basically it's a crazy circle that couples get themselves into that will go on forever unless one of them breaks it. (see below)
As you can see, she may feel unloved, so she responds to him in a way he feels is disprespectful, and then he'll respond without love and she'll.... and ON and ON. And this is often why people get devoriced cause they can't break this cycle.Then the section i'm reading currently is about who should break it, and ways to do it. Sometimes the simplest things can change your marrige.
Even tho I'm not married, engaged or anywhere all that close, it's good to learn this now, instead of later when I might need it because I'm in this cycle. And even now I see that it applys, even just to friends. Like after reading the first couple chapters, I realize that I sometimes treat my 'guy friend's in a why they might take as disrespectful and I shouldn't do that. Just because if I can't respect guys i just talk to, and hang out with sometimes how will i do with respecting a man I'll someday be with everyday?
Like the other night at a party, I was treating my one friend like he couldn't take care of himself. And I didn't really think about it, till after I'd left the party. or I would've apoligized to him because he's not someone that needs to be babied by his friend. He's an indepentant person, and I felt bad. I saw him a couple days later and he pulled me aside and told me: "Anna, we decided that we'd tell each other if we do something that bugs the other person right?" (I agreed, cause we did, I feel that friends should be open about things that bug them) "I don't like it when you treat me like a kid, I have been taking care of myself since I was little, and I can still do it." (paraphrase)
Needless to say I felt bad, because I had seen that I had done it, but I'm glad he felt he could tell me about it. He didn't label it as feeling disrespected, but I know that's how it made him feel.
Well I will end this lenghty post here. And I'll probably make more comments on this as I continue reading through the book. If you are married, I would recommend this book, even if you're marrige is perfect, it's still good to know. And if you're not married, I recommend this. Learn it now, so you'll spend less time in crazy cycles like this when you're married someday.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Life
I know, I fail at blogging. So what to write about?
Life would be the obvious one I guess. As it's what I deal with everyday. Well last week, and this week are turning into catch up weeks for school. Which is okay. I have some papers to rewrite, mostly. I got my ACT scores today. I got a 24 composite score which is okay I guess. But my mom may have me take it again. (joy :) Also got a packet from PCC talking about my major and their course offerings. Pretty sure PCC will be my school. Be cool to see my brother again I guess ;D lolz
Friends, theres a big subject for teens. The last couple years I haven't had very many close friends. But this last year, God has brought some amazing people into my life. But it has it's up and downs. I have my best friend, who's there for me all the time no matter what, and how crazy I am. (Thank you so much! You are the best out there!!) And I then some other friends, who i'm kinda in/out in their book I think... I was in, then my best friend moved here, and they kinda started ditching me and hanging out with him instead, which kinda hurt me. I did talk to them about it, and they invited me over for one thing. But idk if they really want to hang out with me, or they just did cause they felt bad :(
Why is life so complicated? And over stupid things. Why can't we all be friends and hang out?
Anyway, I should go work on those papers :)
Will try and catch up with my blogging. And be more regular! And since I'm gonna be 17 next month (On Easter!) I need to some sort of hobby! Haha!
Laters!
Life would be the obvious one I guess. As it's what I deal with everyday. Well last week, and this week are turning into catch up weeks for school. Which is okay. I have some papers to rewrite, mostly. I got my ACT scores today. I got a 24 composite score which is okay I guess. But my mom may have me take it again. (joy :) Also got a packet from PCC talking about my major and their course offerings. Pretty sure PCC will be my school. Be cool to see my brother again I guess ;D lolz
Friends, theres a big subject for teens. The last couple years I haven't had very many close friends. But this last year, God has brought some amazing people into my life. But it has it's up and downs. I have my best friend, who's there for me all the time no matter what, and how crazy I am. (Thank you so much! You are the best out there!!) And I then some other friends, who i'm kinda in/out in their book I think... I was in, then my best friend moved here, and they kinda started ditching me and hanging out with him instead, which kinda hurt me. I did talk to them about it, and they invited me over for one thing. But idk if they really want to hang out with me, or they just did cause they felt bad :(
Why is life so complicated? And over stupid things. Why can't we all be friends and hang out?
Anyway, I should go work on those papers :)
Will try and catch up with my blogging. And be more regular! And since I'm gonna be 17 next month (On Easter!) I need to some sort of hobby! Haha!
Laters!
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Pet peeves
You know what annoys me?
1. People with double standards. They judge others for that they do. Drives me bonkers, if you're gonna do it when no one is around, don't judge others for doing it. PLEASE!
2. People who don't respect others. Treat them the way you'd like to be treated
3. People who have so much pride they won't listen to anyone. Esp cause they know that you're right. Esp older siblings who won't listen to younger siblings, cause they know the younger one is right and more mature.
1. People with double standards. They judge others for that they do. Drives me bonkers, if you're gonna do it when no one is around, don't judge others for doing it. PLEASE!
2. People who don't respect others. Treat them the way you'd like to be treated
3. People who have so much pride they won't listen to anyone. Esp cause they know that you're right. Esp older siblings who won't listen to younger siblings, cause they know the younger one is right and more mature.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Random thoughts
Man, I'm so out of it all tonight. I feel drugged or something :( I can't really think, and can't feel anything emotionally, kinda just drained. I think I went to bed to late last night, maybe I'll go to bed early esp since I have class and a lesson. But I thought I'd attempt to write a post tonight anyway.
So it's approaching Christmas rapidly. I'm not really into Christmas right now :( Like the present side that is. I'm more focused on the fact that this is when we celebrate the birth of our Lord. And it's a good time to remember what He's done for us. :D
Tonight before I spaced out, I got really annoyed at my little brother. He just chooses to be annoying, and sometimes you just can't ignore it you know? And then he's manipulative, but if you tell him that, he acts like he's totally innocent and didn't do anything. I think that's what got me annoyed, it really bugs me when people deny something that you both know to be true. Why can't they just admit it?
The new Narnia movie is out. I really want to see it. I wanna see it in Theaters without my mom and sister, cause they are the kind of people who want movies based on books to be just like the movie. (Ok, how many are really? the only good book to movie adaption i've seen is 'Holes' and that's because the author wrote the screenplay) But I'm hoping to see it this week end, we'll see.
Had a concert last Friday night. I think it went well. Again I got frustrated with some ppl (non family). Other kids in the orchestra. While we were chilling in a classroom until time to go on stage, and they kept messing with stuff. Like eating the candy, and playing with other instruments, and showing no respect for the teachers or their stuff. And the teacher who was supposed to be overseeing and doing crowd control was to busy talking with some of the girls that he didn't even care what everyone else was doing. Why can't they respect the teachers? Honestly, they know better, they just choose to do what they want, and the sad thing is they get away with it. So i guess it's kinda the teacher's fault that they and their stuff isn't respected.
On saturday, i started out bored. But that didn't last long. I ended up taking apart a bunkbed, cleaning the room. Taking apart another bed, bringing it into the room and reassembling it. And cleaning the room again! Took me 6 hours! And meanwhile my siblings chilled and played the Wii.... oh well. I did enjoy the taking apart and putting together part :D
Oh, so the reason I was up too late last night. I was writing a song for my music theory class. I was up until midnight. Then crashed, and woke up at five, then basically slept until 8:30, but I think I should've just slept until like seven without waking up at all. And then I did some school and revised my song. Just really tired, I think it's hangover from all the caffine i've had today. I really should go to bed.
I think I will.
Good night all
Merry Christmas. Comment and tell me what you're doing for Christmas! :D
So it's approaching Christmas rapidly. I'm not really into Christmas right now :( Like the present side that is. I'm more focused on the fact that this is when we celebrate the birth of our Lord. And it's a good time to remember what He's done for us. :D
Tonight before I spaced out, I got really annoyed at my little brother. He just chooses to be annoying, and sometimes you just can't ignore it you know? And then he's manipulative, but if you tell him that, he acts like he's totally innocent and didn't do anything. I think that's what got me annoyed, it really bugs me when people deny something that you both know to be true. Why can't they just admit it?
The new Narnia movie is out. I really want to see it. I wanna see it in Theaters without my mom and sister, cause they are the kind of people who want movies based on books to be just like the movie. (Ok, how many are really? the only good book to movie adaption i've seen is 'Holes' and that's because the author wrote the screenplay) But I'm hoping to see it this week end, we'll see.
Had a concert last Friday night. I think it went well. Again I got frustrated with some ppl (non family). Other kids in the orchestra. While we were chilling in a classroom until time to go on stage, and they kept messing with stuff. Like eating the candy, and playing with other instruments, and showing no respect for the teachers or their stuff. And the teacher who was supposed to be overseeing and doing crowd control was to busy talking with some of the girls that he didn't even care what everyone else was doing. Why can't they respect the teachers? Honestly, they know better, they just choose to do what they want, and the sad thing is they get away with it. So i guess it's kinda the teacher's fault that they and their stuff isn't respected.
On saturday, i started out bored. But that didn't last long. I ended up taking apart a bunkbed, cleaning the room. Taking apart another bed, bringing it into the room and reassembling it. And cleaning the room again! Took me 6 hours! And meanwhile my siblings chilled and played the Wii.... oh well. I did enjoy the taking apart and putting together part :D
Oh, so the reason I was up too late last night. I was writing a song for my music theory class. I was up until midnight. Then crashed, and woke up at five, then basically slept until 8:30, but I think I should've just slept until like seven without waking up at all. And then I did some school and revised my song. Just really tired, I think it's hangover from all the caffine i've had today. I really should go to bed.
I think I will.
Good night all
Merry Christmas. Comment and tell me what you're doing for Christmas! :D
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Trust
What is trust? And can you ever truly trust anyone here on earth?
Guam is a great place to grow up it may seem to some, it's tropical, beautiful and warm place to live. And the people are very friendly. Sounds like a haven for a little kid right?!
My first house was fun, we lived there for two years, and we had the greatest back yard every, trees galore. And I had some good friends, we lived in more of a neighborhood where you played with your neighbors. And my church wasn't bad, I had the best sunday school teacher ever. Mrs. Mac :)
But I started realizing something, it started with my first best friend who is three days older then me, i'd have friends, they'd be there for a few years and then they'd leave...... Duh, military, but I think I've said more good byes at airports then I've said hello's. And even non-military ppl never stayed long. I guess they had reasons to go back to the states.
So after a while I tried to stop caring. Sure be their friend but don't get attached cause they'll leave soon anyway, so that set me up for attachment and trust issues. I didn't get super close to my siblings either because of various reasons not to be discussed, but it just didn't work.
I pretended to be a happy kid, and I pulled it of cause I'm not a bad actor. The result? People figured I was okay usually and didn't bother ever asking me how I was, so I also learned not to ever tell people my problems cause they didn't care. And I had a lot of them :( Also people had a way of hurting me, some not purposely, some not caring, and some just cause it was me. So I also added to my other insecurities had self esteem issues. I wasn't worth anyones time to care about.
The first person I started to trust was my best friend 'Joy'. Because she moved here and stayed here for what seemed like would be forever. So I got close to her, and I'll never ever regret it, she's like my sister. But a couple years ago she left. It was a surprise to everyone in the church. Her dad announced they were open to moving if the Lord led, but I knew that she would be. And I was right it only took a few more months. I guess it was good I broke down when I first heard the news cause then I was able to be strong for her and not be there. But it hurt and still does cause I miss her.
Next on my list is my other best friend 'Beth' she was only here three years, but she quickly became my best friend. But like everyone else she had to move. At least thanks to facebook I'm still in touch with them, and I'm very thankful. I was even able to visit Joy. So it's not that I don't trust them, but they still aren't here.
So to me the thought always comes 'Why trust?'. When a: they don't care. b: they do but they still end up leaving or c: they hurt me.
But somehow I always end up trusting someone no matter how hard I try NOT to and I end up getting hurt... lame life right? I know.
I guess the other thing I keep doing is I'll start to trust a friend, and I'll stop trusting God. Which is the DUMBEST thing you can ever do. Cause you take that trust from God and place it on a person, and God is going to take away that person so you'll focus on Him again. And you think after all the friendships that have been ruined I'd have learned this, but no. Cause I'm a retard. Maybe this time I'll learn.
This time maybe I'll learn because I'm risking losing the best friend I've ever had. One thing I've left out, yes I've had several friends, but usually I'm the better friend. I help them with their problems and keep my own to myself. But this friend, made sure I was okay before dumping on me. Checked up on me and was there for me. For the last 13 months. And almost everyday for the last 4. And now, it's not so much me as the friend, but I feel that this is the consequence of taking my focus off of God and getting closer to the friend and starting to neglect God. :(
(hey if you know who you are, and you read this, would you remember this, and maybe give me a chance to get back to God and then talk to me again? Cause in this case it's my fault)
Trust the point of this... well I guess all I can say is FIRST trust God and have your closest relationship with Him. Then get close to friends, but remember that you have to keep God first in your life. He deserves and demands it, He IS a jealous God. And don't ever put your dependance on a person, because even if they don't want to they will let you down in some way.
I think I'm kind of rambling but I needed to get this out... plus not many ppl read this blog anyway, so np :D
Guam is a great place to grow up it may seem to some, it's tropical, beautiful and warm place to live. And the people are very friendly. Sounds like a haven for a little kid right?!
My first house was fun, we lived there for two years, and we had the greatest back yard every, trees galore. And I had some good friends, we lived in more of a neighborhood where you played with your neighbors. And my church wasn't bad, I had the best sunday school teacher ever. Mrs. Mac :)
But I started realizing something, it started with my first best friend who is three days older then me, i'd have friends, they'd be there for a few years and then they'd leave...... Duh, military, but I think I've said more good byes at airports then I've said hello's. And even non-military ppl never stayed long. I guess they had reasons to go back to the states.
So after a while I tried to stop caring. Sure be their friend but don't get attached cause they'll leave soon anyway, so that set me up for attachment and trust issues. I didn't get super close to my siblings either because of various reasons not to be discussed, but it just didn't work.
I pretended to be a happy kid, and I pulled it of cause I'm not a bad actor. The result? People figured I was okay usually and didn't bother ever asking me how I was, so I also learned not to ever tell people my problems cause they didn't care. And I had a lot of them :( Also people had a way of hurting me, some not purposely, some not caring, and some just cause it was me. So I also added to my other insecurities had self esteem issues. I wasn't worth anyones time to care about.
The first person I started to trust was my best friend 'Joy'. Because she moved here and stayed here for what seemed like would be forever. So I got close to her, and I'll never ever regret it, she's like my sister. But a couple years ago she left. It was a surprise to everyone in the church. Her dad announced they were open to moving if the Lord led, but I knew that she would be. And I was right it only took a few more months. I guess it was good I broke down when I first heard the news cause then I was able to be strong for her and not be there. But it hurt and still does cause I miss her.
Next on my list is my other best friend 'Beth' she was only here three years, but she quickly became my best friend. But like everyone else she had to move. At least thanks to facebook I'm still in touch with them, and I'm very thankful. I was even able to visit Joy. So it's not that I don't trust them, but they still aren't here.
So to me the thought always comes 'Why trust?'. When a: they don't care. b: they do but they still end up leaving or c: they hurt me.
But somehow I always end up trusting someone no matter how hard I try NOT to and I end up getting hurt... lame life right? I know.
I guess the other thing I keep doing is I'll start to trust a friend, and I'll stop trusting God. Which is the DUMBEST thing you can ever do. Cause you take that trust from God and place it on a person, and God is going to take away that person so you'll focus on Him again. And you think after all the friendships that have been ruined I'd have learned this, but no. Cause I'm a retard. Maybe this time I'll learn.
This time maybe I'll learn because I'm risking losing the best friend I've ever had. One thing I've left out, yes I've had several friends, but usually I'm the better friend. I help them with their problems and keep my own to myself. But this friend, made sure I was okay before dumping on me. Checked up on me and was there for me. For the last 13 months. And almost everyday for the last 4. And now, it's not so much me as the friend, but I feel that this is the consequence of taking my focus off of God and getting closer to the friend and starting to neglect God. :(
(hey if you know who you are, and you read this, would you remember this, and maybe give me a chance to get back to God and then talk to me again? Cause in this case it's my fault)
Trust the point of this... well I guess all I can say is FIRST trust God and have your closest relationship with Him. Then get close to friends, but remember that you have to keep God first in your life. He deserves and demands it, He IS a jealous God. And don't ever put your dependance on a person, because even if they don't want to they will let you down in some way.
I think I'm kind of rambling but I needed to get this out... plus not many ppl read this blog anyway, so np :D
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